There’s a particular narrative that quietly circulates in some parts of the gay male community. It doesn’t always show up loudly or aggressively. More often, it appears in passing comments, in distancing, in discomfort. 

Therapy should be a space of safety, validation, and growth, especially for LGBTQ+ people. Yet, many LGBTQ+ clients still find themselves in rooms where their identities are misunderstood or pathologised. To support queer people effectively, we must radically rethink psychotherapy. Decolonising psychotherapy isn’t just about using the right words—it’s about shifting how we view gender, sexuality, shame, safety, and healing.

From a young age, many of us were taught that being “like a girl” was the worst thing we could be. Some of us were beaten, shamed, or bullied for crossing those invisible lines. So it’s no surprise that, later in life, we might overcompensate—going out of our way to perform masculinity, and then expecting it from others. This shows up in: Shaming femme men, Only dating men who are “straight-acting, Feeling shame around being a bottom, Cock size , Compulsive gym goals