Many years ago, and I’m talking decades, I was repeatedly asked by those close and not so close to me, ‘why don’t you have normal friends?’ I was defiant in my answers. Given I was a teenager at the time, psychological theories and the ‘grown-ups’ around me may have put my stance down to being rebellious, to p*** off the parents or, it’s just a phase. Not true. It was the foundation of who I was growing into and discovering what was important to me.

During the summer of 2017, I experienced a trauma that shattered my sense of safety and trust. My life split into a “before” and an “after.” What happened to me that summer was traumatic, disorienting, and deeply violating. I remember the fear, the confusion, the shame, and the two gruelling years of navigating a justice system that felt cold and clinical at a time when I needed humanity the most. I also remember the silence.

Where does my shame actually live? Not in theory. Not in identity. But in the small, everyday choices I make, the things I reach for, the patterns I repeat, the life I’m building. Because shame doesn’t always arrive loudly. More often, it’s quiet. Subtle. Almost invisible.

The Velvet Rage explores how growing up in a heteronormative society shapes the emotional lives of gay men. Alan Downs examines shame, perfectionism, addiction, relationship struggles and the pressure to succeed, offering insight into how internalised stigma impacts LGBTQ+ mental health. Grounded in psychological practice, this influential book provides a powerful framework for healing, authenticity and self-acceptance within queer affirmative therapy. Click here for more

Straight Jacket explores the lasting psychological impact of homophobia on gay men, even in supposedly “post-gay” societies. Drawing on personal insight and research, Matthew Todd examines shame, anxiety, body image, addiction and trauma within the LGBTQ+ community, offering a powerful and compassionate guide to healing and self-acceptance. An essential read for anyone interested in queer mental health, internalised homophobia and LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy. Click here for m