Low self-esteem almost always stems from trauma. Sometimes that trauma is obvious and unmistakable. Abuse. Assault. Bullying. Accidents. Violence. Racism. Homophobia. Transphobia. Growing up in unsafe or unpredictable environments. And sometimes it’s quieter. So quiet it often gets dismissed or minimised. And sometimes it’s quieter. So quiet it often gets dismissed or minimised. Being compared unfavourably to siblings.

There’s something I want to talk about today that comes up a lot in therapy, especially with LGBTQIA+ people: the thin, slippery line between self-improvement and insecurity. We’re constantly told we should be working on ourselves—losing weight, gaining muscle, fixing our skin, staying youthful, becoming "better." But better for who? For ourselves? Or for others to want us?